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CAM NESLINE
A lot of innuendos could have been used to write
this story and those of you who know our latest
snake would have to agree that burn and cut take
on dual meanings with him as well as his equally
heinous snake brother Johnnie. Only by a coin toss
did we choose Cam.
We are often asked why we pick certain people for
snake of the month over others. The answer came
to me as I began writing the story for our newest
snake, Cam Nesline. It dawned on me that the most
notorious snakes have a lot in common. They are
usually very personable, they know a lot of people
in the water, and they are gregarious and friendly
in a sociopathic, Ted Bundy sort of way. This is
the method good snakes use so that they can earn
your trust only to burn, snake and cut you off again
and again. If these traits were absent, the snake
would have a very short life expectancy and would
be forced to surf elsewhere.
Our latest snake, Cameron Nesline is no exception
and in fact may be the ultimate poster child for
the snake. Blessed with his California boy good
looks and set of white choppers that would make
Tom Cruise jealous, he slithers into the lineup
with little interruption. He's so mellow and gay;
you might mistake him for a wimpy hairdresser or
something. In fact he is a hairdresser by trade
and most likely honed his skills for BS'ing while
staring at the back of peoples heads, cutting and
blow-drying their locks. The mellowness comes from
a different source, which is readily available at
any beachÉ Words cut and burn take on a dual
meaning here obviously.
Cameron's choice of rides varies between some yellowed
garage sale reject of a longboard or a short board
that has seen more than a few summers in the sun.
He usually likes to catch his first wave or two
on his own, i.e. no one behind him. After a few
of these and some idle banter to the boys he's at
it. Like all sociopaths he strikes without warning
and almost seems oblivious to the fact he is doing
it. Set wave on the horizon, Cam watches you paddle
out and to the right to get position. You can feel
him looking at you almost as if he's happy for your
good fortune and then BAM, he takes two strokes
of that beater of his and he burns you. To make
matters worse he's pretty good and will paddle that
bruised banana into some well overhead waves. To
add to the dilemma, some days he and his brother
make the paddle as a tag team and then you have
the making for some kind of aquatic choreographed
WWF Slaughter.
The silver lining to all of this is that both Cam
and his brother do run a highly successful but time
consuming business. This makes for frequent but
short sessions so just about the time you become
fed up with looking at the back of Cam's head, he
is making the walk to the shower and then off to
work.
If Cam has victimized you before, take some pleasure
in this fact HE will spend the rest of his long
day wearing a silly apron and staring at the back
of other peoples heads.
Animation by Michael Durand-written by Steve Hershenson
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